Where are you going?
I was at the supermarket, in the checkout, when I notice what the lady infront of me had to buy. Dressed in a long over-coat, with her hair covering most of her face, the only items she was buying were 7-1 gallon containers of bleach and 12 rolls of paper towels...... I immediately took 3 steps back and avoided eye contact just wondering what her afternoon consisted of....

Discrimination
This senior lady was telling her niece about the internet, and about how she didn't have it. She also said something about not being able to afford a computer. The niece agreed with her senior aunt, and stated that the economy was terrible. At that time other people jumped into the conversation. The senior aunt was getting worked up now. She pointed out that when you (a person of her age?) were watching TV, and a show or commercial suggested you go visit the internet for more information, that it was in fact discrimination! Discrimination? Sounds ridiculous, right? Those other people didn't think so. They agreed with her. If she had mentioned anything about suing I would have crapped myself.

See-Horse
I was in the kitchen one day and I hear my 4 year old say "What is that sissy". My 9 yr old daughter replies "A seahorse".. My 4 yr old son says "Yeah, I see da horse sissy". To which the 9 yr old says, "No.. It's called a seahorse". The 4 yr old, now mildly annoyed, says "YES sissy I see da horse!!"... A screaming match that seemed like the hard core version of the old "who's on first" ensued... That's when I came in.. lol.. I explained to the 4 yr old that it was called a seahorse... and to the 9 yr old that the 4 yr old doesn't understand the same way she does... They were both still annoyed..

Rrrrrush
I was at the Teall Ave post office filling out some papers. Behind me, a four year old was playing near the door. His mom kept telling him to "stay there" and "don't go out that door!" A tall man walked behind me toward the door and stopped near the boy. Concerned, I glanced back, just as the man leaned over to the boy and said: "Rrrrussssshhhhh. Rrrrusshh Limbaugh! Rush-Limbaugh. When you are older, vote for Rrrrusssh LLLimbaugh! Vote Republican!" And then he walked out, calling back, "Rush! Rush Limbaugh!" The boy was quiet for a second, then started playing again near the door, saying, "Ush! Ush! Rimbah!"

Even a Georgetown fan knows this!
I was out at a restaurant tonight and overheard the conversation of the couple next to me. I caught the woman saying, "and they asked what the SU colors were and I didn't know so I had to go online to check." Her date replies, "Are you serious? And you are a student there!" To which she retorts, "Well I've only been going there for a year for my masters." Seriously, don't you have to bleed orange and blue before they will even admit you there?

At the Geddes Salvation Army
I was checking out the collection of Denise Austin videos when a guy walked by me on his cell phone. "Yeah, it happened last night. The one time I'm not home, I get robbed. They took my stereo, my jacket, the camera my dad gave me last year...they even took the foie gras out of the fridge. What are they, gay?" I laughed out loud.

feeling so venereal
standing outside the upstate clinic smoking the other day i heard a teenage girl talking to a guy and saying "i went to the gyno last week cuz i got that sex disease HPV, and i gotta get checked once every six months to make sure i dont got cervical cancer--and cancer runs in my family, so if i get cancer i'ma kill my fucking ma and grandma." guy says "what sex disease?". girl says "HPV--its like 70% of the population has it, and you can get it from fluids like drinking a glass of water, or sex, or anything. when i walk around now i look at everybody and think 'maybe you the one who gave it to me'--makes me think different bout everyone."

Gotta rest for jail
I got some complicated Chinese food the other day. They said it was going to take 15 minutes, so I decided to walk down to the local pub while it was being prepared. As I sat there on a stool I overheard the following conversation: [girl]What kind of shot do you want to do? [guy]Um... I don't want to do a shot. [girl]Whatever, do you need another beer? [guy] Nope. I'm all done drinking. I just want to go home. [Some other guy] Shit, that bitch give you some lip [guy] I'm just saying, I need to get out of this bar. [girl]Why are you being all like that? [guy]Cuz, I'm tired, and I got to get up early for jail. [Some other guy] I've been to jail a couple three times... it's not that good man... you only get 2 meals.... you don't even get no bologna sandwich in the middle. [girl] Is this for that thing? [guy] Yeah... turned in my license yesterday... I need to leave... [Some other guy] man, fuck jail... just find out who the good people are... and stay away from the losers.[guy] I got to get up early for jail... who's driving... fuck it.... I'm driving!

And that's why you make $7 an hour
I went to pick up some paint at a local home improvement store. As I was waiting for the paint to be mixed, I overheard the two employees talking. Boy: "So this fucking customer calls the other day and starts asking me questions like I don't have anything better to do. And I'm trying to do my job here, you know?" As employee number two (a young lady) starts handing me my paint, employee one stops talking. "No, keep going," she tells him. "You're fine."

Obscenity in unlikely places
Same chiropractor's office, same day. A receptionist was arguing with this reallllly short reallly old lady about the times we opened in the morning. She was saying how she couldn't wake up that early. "Well, kiss my grits!" she yelled really loud across the office.

Just ask God
I work at a chiropractor's office, and this one woman was telling a story about what happened to her the night before. Apparently she dropped her remote behind her couch and got her head stuck. She couldn't move. So she's telling the story and she goes, "So I said, Lynn, just listen to God." The doctor said, "and so what did God tell you, Lynn?" She said, "God told me, just use your head. And I did." "You called someone?" asked the doctor. "No...I pushed my forehead against the couch until it moved. God was right."

Pepperoni and inappropriate banter
After the pizza I ordered showed up over an hour late, the driver apologized, telling me whoever took the order got both my name and telephone number wrong. Driver: Was it a girl or guy who took your order? Me: A girl. Driver: I'm gonna punch that new girl in the face.

Tooted
This lady told her kid that it wasn't polite to say "fart," and instead should say tooted. The kid then replied, "Mommy... that lady tooted."